Practice makes better

I write so I don't forget. That's it. I have a hope that maybe someone else may be blessed by my words, but in the end it is just me not wanting to forget the things God has put in my heart.
Practice makes perfect. We have all heard this saying. It's a lie. Every piano teacher, every coach, even your mama, lied when they told you this. Practice does not make one perfect. Practice makes one better. This is true with music recitals, free throws, or any other skill we long to develop. Yes, the more we do something the better we get, but still, there are those bad days, the shots that go wild, the difficult seasons, and perfect is always just out of reach. The skill I am struggling to develop, to be better at, is forgiveness. Usually I am pretty good at it, I begin to think I've got this thing down... Then I don't.
I had an epiphany today. I realized with no small amount of joy that I am doing exactly what God made me to do. I am in my sweet spot. Doing is my thing. I am good at doing stuff. Just normal menial stuff. Need a toilet or floor scrubbed? I'm your girl. Painting a room? I'd love to help with that. Rockin babies and doing dishes with a 2 year old, me. Weeding a flower bed or digging a hole to plant a tree, yep, call me. And get this, it makes me happy. It makes me even happier when I can do it for you. Crazy huh?
How, you may wonder, did I come to this revelation? It was while I was in the garden. I realized there is a pattern to my life. I hear God loudest when I'm doing the mundane normal things of life, and the place where I hear God best is where I need to stay.  And while it may be true that I am good at doing stuff, and that practice does make better, today I was struggling with a forgiveness issue.
As normal for me, when I am out by myself there is always a conversation taking place with my Dad. He is a really good listener and if I ask Him to show me something new in my normal He always does. Well today our conversation was a bit one sided. I was tattling, complaining, moaning, groaning, lamenting and generally being a pain. Know what, He didn't remind me of what I already know. Forgiveness is not an option, not a suggestion, not an 'if they deserve it' kind of thing. I knew that. I also know I have been forgiven so much at enormous cost, so to not forgive taints that gift I have received. Sullies the family name so to speak. No, He just listened to me go on about how I was angry, how I hurt. You know what, the pain is real. I love that my Dad gets that. That is why forgiveness involves sacrifice. And why it makes me look like Jesus when I get it right.
I was spraying weeds today. This was my second go around with them because no matter how well I think I do I always miss some. Hearing God is hard to describe. I have heard one person say it's like another part of your brain speaks. A part that you know is not you. For me it is when a thought comes to me that I know is not mine. I suppose God speaks in unique and different ways to each of us. We just have to practice listening. Well anyway, I'm spraying away, and a question comes to me...
"What are you doing?"
'Umm, spraying weeds. Thank you for herbicides. They are making my life so much easier.'
Add a little worship and praise here for the goodness of God. Another question...
"Why are you being so careful around these bushes?"
'Umm, because it will kill whatever it touches.'
"Precisely."
When the questions stop the lesson begins. I learn so much better when I have an object lesson, a practical demonstration I can see. Holy Spirit does it perfectly, every time.
"Did you know when you spew angry words, bitter thoughts, complaints, when you lack compassion and mercy it is toxic to whatever it touches? Such an unforgiving attitude will kill relationships, poison your heart, taint every thought and everyone who comes behind you will walk through it and be contaminated too."
Wow, ok. That ain't good.  A couple thoughts I am now working through. First, who is following me? My kids certainly, even though they are adults now, they do still occasionally look to their parents for direction. My grandchildren? I pray yes. I want to influence their lives well. Friends, perhaps. People I am not even aware of? Possibly.  Likely. We all have a stage and our mike is always hot. Someone is always watching. And second, what do I want to look like in a year, in five years? My choices today will determine who that person is. I can hang on to a hurt, grow a bitter spirit and become more toxic, or I can be free. It's really just that simple. And so hard to do some days. Practice makes better. I am getting better by the Grace of God.